Scaretober Frightmare Fest 2011 continues

Finally caught up with my nightly scary movie. So I did four in one night. I may just forgo sleep.

Night 7 – Thirst. With all the Twilight vampires prancing around and sparkling and practicing abstinence, it’s good to see some vampires doing good old-fashioned adultery. The story tends to be a bit scarier due to the sadistic nature of the protagonists. But instead of having character arcs, they seem to have character scribbles.

Night 8 – Nightwatch. In the centuries-old conflict between vampires and reverse vampires, a truce is reached whereby order is maintained, using vampire police (Nightwatch) and reverse-vampire police (Daywatch). An interesting story, but whoever edited this film seems to have ADD. There were so many rapid-fire whip pans and jump cuts this film should come with a motion sickness bag.

Night 9 – Paranormal Activity. I cheated. I had to call in some help for this one. I synched up a Rifftrax to the movie so Mike Nelson and company could ease the viewing. Not because it was scary but because it was so dull. If your idea is to take the Blair Witch Project, cut out scenes of people wandering around the woods and replace them with people at home frittering away their afternoons or sleeping, then you should be punished. Hollywood, no more “found footage” movies, okay?

Night 10 – The Crow. In spite of being a story about a dead man coming back from the grave to avenge his murdered wife, this film isn’t that scary. But the previews I saw for this film way back really undersold the fact that Crow Man is basically a scary clown. And that alone makes it the scariest film I’ve watched this month.

Night 11 – Night of the Living Dead. The first zombie movie, and also the first to use zombies as a metaphor for a larger societal issue. American consumerism, class warfare, whatever. Sometimes George, a zombie is just a zombie! Based on other  monster movies I’ve seen, if you’re a woman in the 50s, and danger happens, your options are to lose your mind, or faint. Or both.

Night 12 – The Fly. You would think a project from Mel Brooks studio starring Jeff Goldblum and remaking an old monster movie would be funny. And it is, when director David Cronenberg isn’t in there David Cronenberg-ing it up. But no matter how much a mutated abomination he becomes, Jeff Goldblum had great comedic timing. Also, Geena Davis.

In my darkest nightmares, I think David Cronenberg must be yelling “action!”

Please, send me more suggestions!

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